Agent Zero
by Library.Diarrhea
Summary: The most secret agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. is on an undercover mission involving three wives


Agent Zero was the top most secret agent working for S.H.I.E.L.D. He kept his identity secret from his three wives who weren't even sure of his sexual orientation. Jasmine was trying to convince the other wives (Big Bertha and Cow-Pi) that they should all simultaneously divorce Agent Zero on the grounds that none of them had been given a good vaginal pounding recently. Agent Zero was acting like too much of a workaholic.

Big Bertha, the smallest of the lot, snuck into Agent Zero's private sleeping quarters while the mother fucker was dead asleep. Normally the wives would just play practical jokes on Agent Zero by filling his butt hole with olive oil. Agent Zero would wake up screaming and run into the shower. Then he wouldn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day. It made the wives happy. This time was different.

Sneaking into Agent Zero's bedroom Big Bertha put super glue in his anus. She then reached into his pants, grabbed his eighteen inches of solid hard cock, swung it under Agent Zero's muscular legs, and inserted it into his own rectum.

"Enjoy" whispered Big Bertha in a quiet sensuality.

The next morning the wives sat around the breakfast table eating a dead dear waiting for the husband to wake up… he never did!

Jasmine cried and quaffed. "Oops. This is tragedy."

Soon the house was crawling with Secret Investigation People (S.I.P.). The acting deputy director of SIP, an Agent Sterling Silver, came to talk to the wives as crime scene bitches were all up and down the house and taking pictures of Agent Zero with his own cock in his anus.

"I'm sorry for your loss" yelled Sterling Silver over a helicopter. The helicopter flew away and blew up. "Agent Zero was one of our top female operatives."

Jasmine, Big Bertha, and Cow-Pi all looked at each other with retard shock.

Cow-Pi yelled expletives in Chinese.

"That's right" replied Sterling Silver, "Agent Zero was a woman… deep… deep… deep under cover. She got a penis installed into her which was liberated from a horse. Was she any good in bed?"

Cow-Pi nodded her head emphatically while the other two women looked too embarrassed to respond.

Sterling Silver smiled. "My god, I knew the power of horse penis could be harnessed! One small leap for nobody, one giant penis for Agent Zero and her ability to manipulate matrimony."

Jasmine suddenly yelled out "but I married her for her money!"

Big Bertha sighed. "Sure…"

"Nay.." replied Sterling Silver. "Horse Penis."

Jasmine cried. Even though Agent Zero never loved her, had two other wives, was a woman, only earned a decent living, AND kept farting she still loved him…er… her penis…. I MEAN… heart. DAMNIT!

Jasmine cried for a second time.

Suddenly Agent Zero ran out into the kitchen, apparently not dead and completely naked.

"My god!" screamed Sterling Silver. "You survived!"

"Damn straight!" screamed Agent Zero. "I know about you and Big Bertha!"

Jasmine and Cow-Pi looked to Big Bertha in shock and disgust.

"Is this true?" asked Cow-Pi with tears in her eyes.

Big Bertha smiled a wicked grin and walked over to Sterling Silver, who was also smiling. The two kissed and eye fucked each other.

Sterling Silver then turned to Agent Zero with a hearty laugh. "When did you find out?"

"It was the smell on Big Bertha's pussy" replied Agent Zero coldly. "I'd recognize that smell anywhere! Back when we were lovers!" Agent Zero ripped her cock out of her anus and flapped it around in front of her. It ignited and turned into a floppy blue lightsaber.

Sterling Silver became very serious and calmly pushed Big Bertha away from her (he coped a feel in the process). "Impressive Agent Zero… but not impressive enough!" Sterling Silver unzipped his pants and out popped NINETEEN INCHES of floppy red lightsaber cock. "En garde!"

The two SIP agents had a cock saber duel right there in the kitchen. Cow-Pi and Jasmine screamed in arousal and decided to have a lesbian moment with each other as they kissed on the butcher block. Big Bertha spontaneously exploded casting oozy chucks of blood and gore all over the kitchen and onto of Jasmine and Cow-Pi as they scissored.

"I will not be distracted!" yelled Agent Zero as he/she looked at Sterling Silver. "I will have my revenge!"

Suddenly Sterling Silver's cock went flaccid. "NOOOOO! I swear this never happens!"

Agent Zero had no remorse and chopped of the head of her enemy using her cold hard cock.

Sterling Silver's head rolled quietly onto the floor. It kept rolling and conveniently rolled into a bowling alley room where it knocked down all the pins. Agent Zero fist pumped the air.

The two wives that were left were drenched in blood and looked at their naked undead transsexual secret agent husband who had been lying to them but might still love them. Agent Zero smiled from the corner of her mouth. "If you're into lesbian fun then maybe we make this a part of three."

Cow-Pi and Jasmine looked at each other. Cow-Pi said some shit in Chinese and then floated over to Agent Zero. Jasmine transformed into a Pterodactyl, started to sparkle, and flew off into outer space.

Cow-Pi looked at Agent Zero with a concerned expression. "She was not actually a woman. She was a magical creature from another dimension trying to learn what the human experience was like."

"Fucked that up…"

Cow-Pi looked sad. "I too am not a woman…" she plunged her delicate Asian hand deep inside her vagina and pulled out a solid hard cock.

"Impressive" replied Agent Zero calmly. "I thought I felt something last time we fucked." She smiled. "Here, a moment." Agent Zero got on the ground and made grunting noises. It didn't look pretty but miraculously she managed to unscrew her cock a reveal a secret vagina underneath. "Tah-DAH!" Her detached cock slithered away like a snake. Very spooky. Cock snake gonna kill somebody.

Cow-Pi flushed. "I no longer have to pretend I'm a woman and you longer have to pretend you're a man!"

Agent Zero held Cow-Pi's hand "I love you like my favorite food."

Cow-Pi jizzed a little. "That's so romantic."

The two waked out into the backyard, stark naked, drenched in blood, and frolicked off in the direction of the setting sun. The golden wheat field and endless horizon welcomed their love for all eternity.

Then there was a nuclear explosion.


End file.
